Taking Flight
by Danica77
Summary: After finding out her life's in serious jeopardy, Ashley must make some life changing decisions for herself and her baby, finding the strength that she never realized she had. But will guilt haunt her and lead her back into the life that once threatened to destroy her?
1. Chapter 1

*****Hi guys! Thanks for following me over...sorry for the short beginning but there will be longer ones coming!*****

The world flashed quickly by as the unmarked cruiser drove Ashley away from the life that had once threatened to swallow her whole. She sat motionless, still in shock from the night's events, in the back of Mark's car. He had made her grab as much of her stuff as she could, helping her shove her things into only a few bags. He said that he had to get her out of there as fast as possible, there was a lot she didn't know and he planned on filling her in on it later. Her mind was blank, her eyes felt dry as she stared out the window at the stars. She only wanted to go to sleep, maybe she would wake up and this entire day would be nothing but a dream.

"Hey," Mark said as he strained his head around from the driver's seat.

She turned her eyes to him but couldn't find any of the words she needed to respond.

"I'm going to get you to a hotel for tonight, you can get some sleep and we will figure out where to move you in the morning." He stared at her in the rear view mirror, waiting for a response, before turning his attention back to the road when she shifted back into her trance.

Ashley could tell they were headed out of Charming. She stared at the mountains in the distance, the outline of their peaks barely visible against the night sky. Her mind was always thinking, always racing every second of the day, even in the night, often causing her restless sleep. But not tonight, tonight she was blank, as if there was nothing left.

It felt like they traveled at least another hour before they pulled into the old motel's parking lot. It was seedy looking, the room doors painted bright turquoise and the vacancy sign flashed on and off like in a horror movie she had seen once. She noticed a police car pull up next to them, the cop who was driving it passed Mark what looked like a room key through their window. The two of them spoke but none of their words registered with her, she stared out at the empty parking lot, wondering what was going to happen now. The cop pulled away and Mark parked their car. He got out, walking over to Ashley's door and helping her out of it.

Once they got to the room Ashley sat on the bed. She was so tired she struggled to keep her eyes open, but at the same time she knew there was no way she would ever sleep. She lay back on the crispy thin comforter not even wanting to put the effort into climbing beneath it.

"Get some sleep and we can talk in the morning. You're safe I promise." Yeah right, she'd heard that before.

She didn't remember falling asleep. But when she woke up that terrible feeling was still inside of her, it hit her even before she remembered what her reality was. She didn't want to open her eyes but she did. She looked over and saw Mark asleep in a chair, his gun in his hand laying across his stomach. He was still completely dressed, only he had taken off his shoes. She never thought in a million years that she would be in this position.

She went to use the bathroom and wash her face, her stomach cramping again. "If you survive this it will be a miracle," she said out loud, her thoughts drifting to Jax, but that sickening feeling came rushing back. It rushed so hard back that she ran to the toilet, throwing up all the contents that were left inside her stomach. She hovered over the toilet for a minute, tears rolling off her chin and landing in the bowl beneath her. She didn't know there were any left to fall. She pulled herself together, rinsed her mouth and went back into the room. Mark was now awake and sitting up straight. He had moved his gun to the table beside him. He looked at her with pity in his eyes and she wondered if he had heard her get sick.

"I'm sorry Ashley." He said. This guy was something else. No matter what she did he was still a nice guy. If she wasn't practically in a walking coma she would have found that amusing.

She sat down on the bed and stared at the floor, finding her voice again. "Before any of that happened I was already asking myself, what am I supposed to do now." She spoke to no one. But he heard her.

"I saw the test."

"Yeah, well."

"I know that only complicates things more, but you're going to have to trust me that I know what to do to keep you and your baby safe."

"Nothing matters anymore."

"Ashley, you don't mean that. You are just processing a lot of information right now. More than anyone should have to process."

She thought about where she should start before speaking again, "Rob said he was following Clay's orders."

"Yes we know."

She turned to glare at him. "You knew all of this?"

"I only found out yesterday. Trust me, I was trying to get to you immediately."

"Was Jax in on it?" She knew it was a crazy question, but did she really even know him? The man she saw yesterday was no one that she had ever seen. She remembered how deep her relationship with him was, how far it went back. Him and Opie. Donna...

"No, I really don't think he had any idea." His voice bringing her back into the present.

"How do you know about Clay?"

"We bugged Rob's car yesterday once we figured he had something to do with it. We heard Tig deliver him a message from Clay.

"Tig too?" She should have been shocked, but it made sense, he had wanted her to catch Jax with that skank, he had chased after Rob and not caught him when he assaulted her.

"Ashley, I know it's hard, but we have to get you away from Charming. We took care of Rob's body so that no one will know what really happened, but we can't have Clay knowing that you are still around."

"So what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?"

"I have my partner Sandy working on finding a place for you. It's going to take a little time, but we will help you start over, somewhere safe."

Ashley stared at him incredulously, how could she just leave everything? But what was everything when there was nothing. There shouldn't be nothing. "I was going to tell him yesterday."

"You didn't tell him?" Mark asked and she felt the guilt creep up inside her.

"No. I wanted to but…."

"No, it's a good thing he doesn't know."

"How is it a good thing?" She stared at him, what kind of person would suggest that?

"Because if he knew, he would look for you."

Right. If he knew she was pregnant he would look for her. Because he wouldn't walk away from his baby. Only her.

"So I'm supposed to just never tell him? Let him live his life not knowing he has a child out there? That's your plan?"

Mark sat quiet and Ashley could tell that's exactly what she was supposed to do. She dropped her head to her hands and began to cry again. This nightmare was going in slow motion, with no end in sight.

*****Hope you guys liked it!*****


	2. Chapter 2

*****Thank you all for the reviews! You guys are awesome! I love reading them and get excited every time I see that I got one!*****

The past few months had passed slower than Ashley could ever imagine. Things had started to show some promise though with each passing day. Every moment gave her an ounce of strength, resolve and most of all, hope. She wasn't sure what she was hopeful for, but it was enough for her to be able to focus on what she needed to be strong for, her baby.

Mark had done a good job of covering all the bases. Ashley, filled with questions, drilled him daily and he always had the answers.

How would they be able to avoid anyone looking for her, especially Clay? How would she be able to make a clean break? And with Rob missing too? Clay would surely be looking for him and wondering what her fate had been. She tried to never think about what Jax would be thinking and when she did the image of him with that piece of crap would flood her mind, easing the pain she felt of losing him.

Mark had gotten his hands on a female cadaver, had her burned and dumped her body along with Robs in some thick bushes off the side of the highway heading out of Charming. He had his partner Sandy inform Charming PD of the "discovery" and they promptly notified SAMCRO of their prospects fate. There was no way to ID the female but Mark hoped it would be enough to convince Clay that Ashley was gone. The only hard part now was to make sure she was able to stay away.

Mark had set her up in an apartment about an hour and a half outside of Charming. His plan had been to get her way away from there but at this point he still had to wrap up a lot with the Sons and he didn't want to make any sudden moves with her still pregnant. He was staying over every night to make sure she was safe. She knew how weird that was. _Why would this man go through all of this for her? Why wasn't he out living his own life?_ She saw him as the sweet and caring person he really was. She didn't have any feelings for him, but she couldn't deny the friendship that was forming.

Mark had refrained from updating her on any of the Sons activities. He understood that she would never get over everything if she had to hear about what was going on with them. She didn't even want to know about her mother, still angry that she had drove drunk and hurt innocent people when she had promised to turn her life around. It wasn't like Ashley to not want any connection to her family or Jax, but Mark had convinced her of what she needed to do.

Clay would stop at nothing to have her killed. She had threatened the club from the moment she was first questioned by the police about them, until the day he thought she had enough power over Jax to pull him away. She was a liability and the quicker she disappeared the better.

Now she sat, six and a half months pregnant with a little honeydew sized belly, alone in her apartment. She was bored of being trapped inside alone, on very rare occasions Mark would take her out to eat or a movie to break up the monotony.

Tonight was one of those nights. He was taking her out to eat at a Mexican restaurant that she always wanted to try about 45 minutes away. They always had to plan things far away to avoid running into anyone. She had never liked Mexican food until she was pregnant, but now it seemed like she could never get enough.

"Hey lady," Mark said as he came in the front door. She had been waiting for him on the couch. He managed to make it there by the time he promised, which was usually hard for him with his job.

"I'm starving!" she exclaimed from her place on the couch. She shifted her body so the baby wouldn't cut off the circulation to her legs.

"You're always starving. Can you wait 10 minutes so I can take a quick shower? I had to do some chasing today, it wasn't pretty."

"I guess but please hurry," she answered him. She tried to wait patiently for him, but grew more annoyed by the minute. Food was her main priority at this point. When it was messed with she got pissed.

"I'm almost ready," Mark said as he popped up in the doorway. He was wearing nothing but a towel and looked pretty hot, beads of water were dripping from his dark brown hair and trailing down his defined chest. She turned her head, not wanting to think about her friend that way, but her pregnancy hormones had her turned on most of the time lately.

"Put some clothes on please, I'm pregnant, I'm not blind."

"Done," he said going into the spare room.

Two minutes later he walked out, dressed, hair towel dried and sticking up but ready to go so she could eat.

When they finally got to the restaurant Ashley thought she would pass out. _Forty-five minutes of driving, there better not be a line! _They sat down right away and thankfully the waiter brought a bowl of nachos over to them which Ashley quickly began shoving in her mouth.

"So that was nice," Mark said when they were finished. "I'm not sure there was much conversation since you were constantly stuffing your face."

"Hey, I'm eating for two remember?"

They walked out of the restaurant and it was still light outside. "You want ice cream?" He asked spotting the ice cream shop down the street.

"Of course!" she exclaimed. How pathetic that food made her so happy, but at least she was able to find some happiness.

"I'm just going to run in the drug store and grab some bandages for my blister and then we'll go."

"OK, I am going to stay outside though, I could use a little sun."

"I'll be right out," he promised, leaving her alone on the street.

Ashley walked a few stores down, taking in the sunlight and perfect temperature. It took a lot out of her just to walk down the street. Her stomach was full and with the baby in there too she could hardly breathe. All the stores had their windows decorated and she paused to look into each one. When she came to a record store she leaned down a little to see what records were displayed in the case. She smiled when she recognized most of them from her childhood. Suddenly, she heard the sound of motorcycles coming down the street and she stiffened up, as if her body grew naturally defensive from the threat of them. _You can't freak out every time you hear that noise,_ she told herself. _You have to face your fears to get over them._

Ashley turned around to face the road as the motorcycles were stopped at a red light close to her. She had every intention of watching them calmly, reminding herself that there were lots of bikers in these parts of California. But as she turned to look at them she noticed one of the men staring right at her, sunglasses and a helmet covering his face but she knew exactly who it was. She saw his body straighten up when they saw each other. He took his sunglasses off and she felt frozen in place, as if she were trapped in a bad dream and her legs wouldn't let her run away. Suddenly she was grabbed from behind and pulled into the record store, but her eyes remained glued on HIM. As he spotted Mark grabbing her, he started to park his bike right in the middle of the street, climbing off. The other men got off of their bikes to stop him, holding him back and pushing him back towards his bike. Mark pulled her out the back of the record store and ran them over to his car. They were out of the parking lot before anything could ever happen. It wasn't until they had turned down a few streets and ended up in a secluded are that Mark felt like they were safe enough to park.

"Are you ok?" he asked Ashley. She was frozen, the only movements of her body was her lungs gasping for air. She could barely remember how hard it was for her to run like that, but somehow she had managed.

"No." she answered, trying to steady her breathing, "They know I'm alive."

"I know, I know…."

"Did you notice Clay?" She turned to ask him. She hadn't seen anyone except Jax but she knew there were others with him.

"I didn't but he's going to find out."

Ashley stared down at her belly, it was hard and crampy from the running. "He knows Mark."

Mark looked forward, quiet for a moment before he spoke, "He thinks it's mine, trust me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I could see it in his face, he wanted to kill me."

"He saw me with _you_, they think I'm a rat. He _has_ to know she's his." She looked again at her belly, her little baby girl. Every day she felt guilty that he wasn't going to know her, and seeing him now…..

"No Ashley, he thinks she's mine. This is not good for work. I am sure I will be bumping into him soon, and then it will be confirmed. It's strange though, he must still be in love with you. I thought he had moved on when he married that drug addict."

"What?!" Ashley couldn't believe what she was hearing. "He's married?" Wow, that was quick. Her heart sunk further than she ever thought it could. Why was she still so in love with him after everything he had done? She knew she still held on to childish dreams that he meant every word he said to her, that they were meant to be with each other since they were kids, that he wanted to protect her and take care of her, even if it meant pushing her away to do so. But married? That went against all the naïve fantasies she held onto about Jax. She started to feel like she was going to vomit right there.

"Sorry Ashley, I didn't mean to say anything. I was just rattled by everything I guess."

"How could he be married already?" She turned and glared at him. How could he keep this information from her?

Mark started the car back up. "Let's talk when we are back on the highway."

"No, let's talk now Mark."

He pulled the car out, driving quickly to get out of there.

"How is he married already Mark? And to a drug addict?"

"We're going to have to move you. Clay's going to find out right away."

"You're not answering me." Ashley cried out. But she _was _scared, she did think that Clay would find out. He would wonder why she was with Mark and he would figure out the rest.

"When we get home I need you to pack up your things."

"Mark, fucking answer me!"

"She's pregnant Ashley. Probably even bigger than you."

*****So...on a lighter note? What should we name the baby? I have an idea but would love to hear from you!*****


	3. Chapter 3

******This one is for Susie...thank you everyone for being patient with me! I will try to update everything in the next 24 hours to make it up to you! Life has been crazy and I have wanted the escape of writing this so just know I wanted to update! You guys are the best for hanging in there with me!******

Bigger than her? How could that be? She knew _exactly_ how that could be. She was too fucking naïve. Her head hung heavily, dripping with the reality of it all. He didn't just cheat on her that one day to push her away, he must have been doing it for awhile, he probably started as soon as he got out of jail, hopefully not before then.

There it was again, that terrible feeling she had managed to avoid and it was coming back with a vengeance. Her head was spinning and her stomach cramping. Nothing could fucking go right in her life.

"Are you going to have to leave me? Won't they follow you?" Glancing at Mark, the desperation began to get the best of her. There was no way she could be left by herself, alone with the thoughts that she knew would haunt her.

"I might, we'll have to see," His face remained calm through it all, his eyes trained forward and focused on the road, "I don't want to leave you though, please know that."

"I do." Ashley whispered, not wanting to admit it to herself she turned to stare out the window. She started to cry silent tears, wishing that what had just happened never had. But something had changed in her, a cosmic shift, almost like her hourglass had finally run out of sand and someone was kind enough to turn it over for her. There was no guilt seeing him, no urge to run and confess everything, begging him to love her back and be a family. Only an overwhelming need to flee and protect what was innocent in all of this….her baby. Maybe it wasn't right, morally or whatnot, but it is what her brain was screaming at her and it was what she was determined to do.

Scrambling to get everything when they got back to the apartment, she thoughtlessly threw her things into two small suitcases. She hadn't collected too much in the past four or five months she had been living there so there was not much effort required. Ashley could hear Mark on the phone in the other room, hurrying to line up a place for them to stay the night before he could find her a more permanent option. She chewed on her lower lip in aggravation, hating that someone had to take care of her and she would never be able to live freely on her own. But Mark was convinced Clay would be looking for her, probably finding out right now as she was packing, and if she was to have any chance at all she had to leave right away. Part of her was hurting and scared, she had started to get used to their crazy life together, she was disappointed that it might all come to a screeching halt now. And there was something else, something strong simmering right below the surface, a rage that was bubbling up inside her, knowing Jax had moved on probably before they were even over.

Mark came over, sensing her frustration, and grabbed the suitcases she was trying to wheel, practically yanking actually, over the thick carpet. He put his hand on her forearm, "Shhh," he said as he rubbed it gently with his thumb. It was in that moment she realized she had been spouting off every profanity she knew in a drunken angry slur. He was always there when she needed him, acting like the perfect husband for his pregnant wife. He would never even let her lift a finger if he thought it would hurt the baby or her. Always comforting, listening, helping, if she hadn't seen him half naked a million times she would swear he was a woman.

She couldn't stop herself before she knew what she was doing, but all the anger she felt towards Jax needed to come out somehow. She wanted to hurt him like he was hurting her. She wanted to be able to move on with her life and be free. She wanted to suppress any emotion of love she had for him as far inside as she could push it. She needed to forget him. She_ needed_ to get over him.

She grabbed Mark's shirt and pulled him towards her, putting her hands behind his neck and sliding up close, lightly tracing her lips over his to wait for his ok. To her surprise he leaned in close and made his move. She began to kiss him with an urgency, she wanted to cloud her mind with the distraction of someone new, erasing any memory of being with Jax. It was barely working, a tiny bandaid on the enormous wound that was her reality. As much as she wanted to forget him, she found herself comparing the two. Kissing Mark wasn't like kissing Jax, he was a little shorter and skinnier, and his lips weren't quite as firm, they were more of a soft pillowy refuge. The sparks she felt every time she kissed Jax, the twisting in the pit of her stomach, they were absent in this moment. But she was determined to keep searching, putting forth every ounce of fortitude she could muster. But she had to admit to herself it _was _nice. She felt _safe_ with Mark. Safe. Something she had mistakenly thought she was with Jax. But now her eyes were opened. She would have never been safe with him. There was no use waiting for Jax anymore, her hopes of ever being a family, while they were only naive dreams, or more like detached delusions, were now completely nonexistent. He had broken her heart until it was unrepairable, and she would never be able to really love anyone again. But she liked Mark and she trusted him and she didn't want to lose him now.

"Please don't leave me," she whispered to him, pulling away slightly.

"I might have to for a little while," He told her breathlessly.

"Promise me."

"I promise."

"No you can't leave me, not even for a second." Ashley pleaded with him, loss filling her eyes.

"Ashley."

"Please," she said, reaching for the zipper on his pants.

"Ashley."

She could see in his eyes that he was in love with her. She felt guiltier knowing that. She knew she could never be in love with him, but maybe, somehow, she could love him. He was healthy for her, he made sense. She started to kiss him again more passionately. Her pregnant belly smushing between them, but she didn't let that be a distraction. She was still confident in her body, knowing she could still get him to want to be with her. She moved her hands over him, desperate for him to claim her mind. With each invading thought of Jax, she would counter it with the reminder of him being married, fucking some whore, shutting her out, abandoning her, having a baby with someone else. It only made her want Mark more. She couldn't be with him fast enough. Like a druggie chasing the high she needed to numb her pain.

* * *

Jax pulled over to the side of the road and jumped off of his bike. He started walking, unable to focus on driving and needing to get away from everyone. He was still reeling from what he witnessed barely hours before.

They were out on a run and moving through town to scope out what the local businesses looked like. They were trying to find some not so obvious places to store their shipments. He didn't believe his eyes at first, but there was no mistaking the pair of piercing green eyes that stared back at him in horror. The look on her face, it was one he would not be able to shake any time soon.

He started to lose his footing and squatted down to get some blood back to his head. Everything was so fucked up. Everything he thought was real wasn't, everything he had tried to accomplish had backfired.

When he was in jail, there was only one option. Ashley had to get out of Charming. She was sinking fast, her life was in jeopardy and there was nothing he could do from the inside to keep her safe. Well there was _one_ thing. _Mark. That fucking piece of shit_. He had asked Mark to protect her and get her out of Charming. Mark had promised he would. This is not what he meant. _That…what he saw…_it was _definitely_ not what he meant.

He cringed remembering how he treated her, the anguish in her eyes when he had forced himself to be so cold to her….to break her heart. And after all of that, when she still didn't give up on him, he hated himself for what he did, betraying her. The look of hate and disgust he saw in her..…he loved her and it was the hardest thing he ever did.….he had to sit down because squatting wasn't doing it.

When Clay had said he thought it was Ashley who was killed, he didn't believe it. But Unser backed Clay up convincing him Rob must have been killed protecting her from that asshole that was after her. Unser confirmed a woman's body was found and Jax's world came crashing down. Booze, pussy, booze, there was never enough to escape his head, he couldn't live with himself the way he had ended things. And then there was fucking Wendy. Oh fuck his life was so _fucked_…He didn't even know what he was thinking when he started things with her. He had thought Ashley was dead….

The sound of boots shuffling, rocks trapped between their soles and the dusty ground came up slowly behind him. He had to pull himself together, he couldn't let them see him coming apart like this.

"Hey brother, you ok?" Bobby asked him, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.

He didn't answer, was he supposed to be ok? He just saw a fucking _ghost_.

"What was she doing with that Mark fucker?" Tig asked, his voice filled with unspoken promises of his agenda.

What was she doing _alive_?

"Let's give him a minute," Bobby said and he could hear them backing up a little. His mind was spinning and he put his head in his hands, hoping that whatever feeling this was would stop.

"She's a rat." Tig kept going on, "Clay has to know."

Jax stood up at his words, something violently lurching forward inside of him, pushing him through the shock and back into his head. He wasn't sure what was going on. Why she was with Mark, why she was alive. Why she was….Mark had…._that piece of shit_. There was one thing he was very sure of.

Mark. Was. Fucking. Dead.

*****Thanks again everyone! Please review if you can! I love getting them and hopefully they will inspire me to update quicker!*****


	4. Chapter 4

*****So I know that this story will stray some from the actual story line, but hopefully that will be what interests you instead of irritating you :) and of course I will try to keep everything else as close as I can. I'm still not sure if I will bring Tara back or just leave it the way it's headed. **

**Thank you, thank you for all the reviews! Hopefully you like this chapter just as much!*****

"So let me get this straight...This little girl is alive? And with Mark, Mark the ATF agent that's been watching our every move, waiting for us to give him any reason at all to bring us in?" Clay said from his spot at the head of the table. His face bore a serious look and he leaned back in his chair, letting his gaze land on Jax, hoping to make his point. "Am I missing anything?"

"And she's pregnant," Tig added, tapping his fingers together like everything had already been settled.

Jax sat there with a crazed look in his eyes, his leg was bouncing a million beats a minute. He was not happy how this was blowing back on him. He knew what Clay was saying, he was saying he had been right, Ashley was a rat and couldn't be trusted, Jax was only blinded by pussy. That's what they all were thinking. Rage threatened to take his body over and he was really trying to control it for just a few more minutes until he could get out of there. All he wanted to do was find Mark, find him so he could get his release and erupt his madness on the one person who was desperately begging for it.

"Jax?" Clay asked, trying to hide the shitty smug that was daring to show on his face. Jax just continued with his stare, blocking out everyone around him. "Care to share your thoughts with the club?"

His thoughts? Was he fucking serious? No. _Hell_ no. No one would understand his thoughts, _he_ didn't even understand them. He had to get out of there, he had to clear his head. He would handle this on his own, he needed answers, once he had answers then maybe he'd have thoughts. Jax looked to his hands which were placed on the table, folded in front of him, he played with his ring as he avoided Clay's glare.

"Well here's what I think," Clay started, letting everyone know he was the one with some sense, "I want Ashley and Mark brought back here. We figure out what they know, who they told and then we get rid of them. Pregnant or not, we don't need this shit raining down on us. If this doesn't happen, I'm sure we will all be wearing orange very soon."

"Couldn't agree more," Tig piped up. Jax kept his eyes locked on his hands.

"Let's vote."

Jax kept his head down while they voted, but he knew they had voted in favor of Clay. Clay banged his gavel and Jax got up, heading straight for the only way out of that room, out of the clubhouse and out of the town. He could hear someone calling him, Gemma maybe, but his mind raged on, allowing nothing else in.

Little did he know, Gemma was trying to tell him his son had just been born.

* * *

Two weeks left...that's what Ashley kept reminding herself. Only two more weeks of this torturous pregnancy thing, this taking over her body by some alien being, an alien who loved to wiggle all around, kicking up in her ribs and poking her bladder at the worst times. An alien who decided that night time was play time and that Ashley wouldn't really need any of her internal organs.

Pregnancy was supposed to be beautiful, magical even. Isn't that what everyone had always said? She was even supposed to glow or some crap like that. Well if sweating constituted glowing, she definitely had that covered.

Her belly was enormous, protruding straight out and to a point. She felt disgusted when she looked at herself. She always saw those cute pregnant women who looked like they had a basketball under their shirt, but she was sad to admit hers looked more like a planet, most likely Jupiter, her flat belly button the great red spot. And as for what lied beyond it, God only knows, she hadn't seen her lower body except in a mirror for two months now but it probably resembled an astroid belt of some sort. Speaking of, she could barely even shave her legs anymore and what she did shave was by blindly feeling around, she was sure her doctor would be in for a rude awakening when it was time to deliver. She also wasn't sure how it was possible to pee 18 times during the day, but somehow she did, never failing at _that_ task. And even after getting rid of all that excess fluid, her ankles still somehow seemed to swell up to elephant size, prompting even more discomfort.

Ashley sighed as she tried her best to get comfortable in her bed. She had propped seven pillows strategically around her, with hopes that somehow she would be able to get some sleep. She hadn't gotten a good nights sleep in three weeks but she still held out hope. She couldn't wait for this to be over, to meet her baby and have her out of her! Once the baby was born Mark had promised to move them far away also. She couldn't wait to get her new life started already.

After the day that she had seen Jax, Mark had moved them _closer_ to Charming, not further. Sure, she really didn't understand it, knowing all of SAMCRO were probably hunting the both of them down at this very moment. But Mark said he had more means to protect her close to his work and that it was best she stay near the hospital that her OB was affiliated with. He had begun to work out of an undercover office rather than on the street so he could ensure his safety and hers until they could get out of there. But being back near Charming meant staying inside 24/7. It didn't really bother her though, because she understood the reality of it all.

Laying across her pillows only made her frustrated and cranky, there was no good position at all, on her stomach was out of the question and on her back only cut off all circulation to her legs, on her sides required pillows everywhere and by the time she was comfortable she would need to shift again. She decided to move out to the couch, maybe she could fall asleep sitting up, what could go wrong with that position?

She pulled four of her pillows off her bed and waddled towards the couch, arranging them around in a desperate effort. She was already out of breath, in the 30 seconds it took to walk from one room to the other. She tried to calm herself and drift off, only to jerk awake every time her head would nod. Finally she resigned to the fact that it just wasn't going to happen. She flipped on the TV and started to scroll through the channels, looking for something that would help put her to sleep.

She came across the news and stopped abruptly, there had been a drive-by shooting, in Charming of all places. A drive-by. In Charming. She was shocked and continued to watch, but nothing would prepare her for what she saw next...

Donna...gunned down in Opie's truck. Donna. _Oh my God how could this be? _It had to be retaliation or something, there were no drive-by's in Charming. _Donna, oh God._

Ashley stood up and started to pace, crying with shock. How could this happen? And to Donna, so sweet, struggling with everything and only doing the best for her kids. Her kids. This was so horrible. Poor Opie. Her heart was breaking and she suddenly felt like she needed to go back. She had to know if this was real. She had to be there to help. Donna didn't deserve this. But she could hear Donna's voice inside her head, telling her to get out, telling her to leave that life. She didn't know what to do as she kept pacing. Grief was wracking her body and her stomach started to cramp again. She hated that feeling and this time it was worse. Her whole stomach hardened until she thought it might burst open, but eventually it subsided on its own. She tried to calm her sobbing. She thought she had left that life and started new on her own, but did she really even leave? No, she was just trapped in a house with her constant thinking. Mark, he would tell her what to do, he always had all the answers. She searched for her cell phone so she could call and tell him what she saw on the news. But he had to know already...he probably knew and didn't tell her, he should have told her. Her stomach hardened again and she had to stop and brace herself against the wall until the feeling passed. Seeing her cell phone on the table, she made her way over, only to feel something wet and warm on her pants. Why were her pants wet? _Oh, shit._

_Come on Mark, answer the phone._ It kept ringing, three, four, five, voicemail. She hung up and tried again. Why wasn't he answering? She tried to calm herself, trapped in the little apartment with no car, solely relying on Mark for help and here he was, not answering his phone. Ashley tried his number four more times as the panic started to set in. _Maybe I'm not ready for this baby to come. What was I thinking? Two more weeks are a good thing. _The cramps were somewhat painful and she was scared that he wouldn't get here soon. She thought about calling for an ambulance, but remembered that Mark said no matter what don't do that. They would all find out within a matter of hours and she would never make it away. But Jax...he wouldn't hurt her...she knew that for sure. Not if he knew it was his baby, not if he understood why. Her mind was playing tricks on her and she couldn't remember all the things that Mark had worked so hard to convince her of, she could only remember the good things, the easy things. It was all becoming real to her now and she was starting to feel desperate. There was a real baby living inside of her, and that real baby was about to be VERY real. She tried Mark two more times before...it was a sign...she just had to try...just once...if it was the right thing he would answer, on the first try of course...

She dialed the number she knew so well and waited, anxiety growing more with each ring, she knew he wouldn't recognize the number from the disposable cell she was using but if he answered she would know, she would know. Her stomach tightened again and fear started to set in, _I'm not ready for this, holy shit_.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"Jax?"

*******Please tell me what you think! Please? :)*******


	5. Chapter 5

******Happy SOA day! Thanks for the reviews guys! I promise I will try to respond to all of you, I had been so busy trying to update quickly and slacked a little on that! But it means so much and I still get excited every single time I get one. I love you guest reviewers too, just wished I knew who you are! PS sorry for all the cursing, I had to make her labor believable :)******

Ashley gripped the cell phone tightly in her hand as she waited for Jax to respond. She was anxious about making that call to him, but in her current situation her mind was not processing anything very clearly, except pain, and lots of it. The cramping was only getting stronger, consuming her in full when it would start coming on. Her water had broken and she was filled with fear and unease, extremely nervous for what was lying ahead for her.

"Jax?" She tried again, louder this time, after only getting silence from him on the other end.

"Where are you?" He asked her. Her heart dropped, plummeting her right off her fantasy cloud, back into reality. He knew _exactly_ who was calling and the lack of emotion for her was more than evident in his voice.

"I need help," She tried. She was desparate and for some reason her brain's natural reflex was to urge her towards him. "Please Jax."

"Where are you?" He repeated, sounding like he was moving, because now she could hear other voices around him.

"I'm...I'm," _Where was she? _She knew she was right outside of Charming, but she didn't really know _where_ she was. Another cramp, or contraction she now realized, came over her and she tried to stay focused on getting help, "My water just broke and it really hurts...I'm alone just outside of Charming and I don't have a car."

"Where's Mark?" She tried to ignore the disgust in his voice and breathed through the rest of the pain until her stomach relaxed.

"I wanted to call you Jax, I wanted to tell you that..." She wasn't sure how to say it, she wasn't sure how much time she had and she really just needed to get him there.

"Ashley?" Ashley almost dropped the phone as she heard Mark's voice come from right behind her. Through all of her pain and trying to talk to Jax she hadn't even heard him come in the apartment. "Who are you on the phone with?"

"Is that Mark?" Jax asked angrily. But she didn't have the chance to respond to him before Mark had ripped it from her hand.

"Who is this?" Mark demanded.

"What kind of shit are you pulling Mark?" Jax shot back heatedly, loud enough that Ashley could hear crystal clear what was said. It didn't make sense that he would ask that, but she couldn't focus on anything, not even the discontent that had taken over Mark's face as well. Mark hung up the phone, staring at it in disbelief, before turning his attention over to Ashley.

"Why did you call him?" Mark asked her, but she wasn't sure if it was a question or an accusation.

"I called you so many times, my water broke Mark, we have to get to the hospital."

"What? Let's go!" He answered, switching his demeanor almost instantly, now in panic mode too. On any other day that would have relieved Ashley, but right now she didn't have time for anyone's bullshit.

The drive to the hospital was probably only ten minutes, but for Ashley it felt endless. Every time Mark had to break for anything, it would only be agony to Ashley, she must have yelled at him fifty times or so to hurry the fuck up, the jostling motion sending her completely over the edge.

Once they arrived at St. Thomas she was brought right in and asked to change into a hospital gown. Even that small task proved to be extremely difficult. Ashley was insisting to anyone who would listen that she needed some sort of drugs, aspirin, anything, and she needed it right away. The doctor came in to check her and found that she was already seven centimeters dilated. He left after telling her the anesthesiologist would be in shortly. _Shortly?_ That meant _years_ to Ashley. _Where was he? Why wasn't he coming? What could possibly be more important that this? Didn't he know she needed fucking drugs?!_

A nurse came in and had the audacity to hook up some sort of monitors to the baby's head. Just thinking about how the nurse would reach the baby's head was enough to piss Ashley off more. One thing was for sure, she wasn't letting anyone between her legs any time soon once this whole ordeal was over.

"What are you doing that for?" Ashley questioned the asshole nurse who had her arm up her most sensitive area.

"It will let us monitor the baby's heart rate." She advised her.

"It's going to be ok Ashley," Mark tried to soothe her, rubbing her feet. She pulled her feet from his grasp, practically growling at him. _Didn't he know she didn't want to be fucking touched? What the hell._

"Don't tell me it's going to be ok, you're not the one that has to push another human being out of their body!" Ashley practically yelled at him. He thought he was so smart, but he knew nothing. What did he know about the task she had to do? He just sat there like the little pansy ass he was, expecting that a little foot rub would be exactly what she needed. She wished that was all she needed. And if these drugs didn't get here soon, she wouldn't mind if someone hit her over the head with a fucking hammer.

And it seemed like Mark had invited everyone to watch her unraveling. Sandy, his partner, and nearly half of his team. There had to be at least four or five agents lingering around, and even more police officers. It was like she was on fucking display. "Is there anyone you didn't invite?" Ashley spat at him when she got the chance.

"Mark, you got a second?" One of the men that Ashley had never seen before said as he stuck his head in the door. _Who the hell said he could come in here? Couldn't she get just a little bit of privacy around here?_ Mark looked to Ashley, a sorry look on his face.

"Go," She ordered him, breathing through the hell that had once been called a contraction. She turned and watched as the machine monitoring her contractions drew a line that would eventually reach it's peak. Once it reached it's peak it would start to get better and she would be able to rest for a minute or two. That's all she wanted to do, watch that fucking squiggle.

* * *

When Ashley had called him it was the last thing he was ever expecting. He had been searching for her for weeks, as much as he could, but only reaching dead ends. He had been preoccupied with Abel coming home too, that was something that had given him more joy than he could ever imagine. Wendy had gone off to rehab, hopefully to clean herself up, but one thing was for sure, as soon as she was stable, he was giving her divorce papers. He'd let her get away from the crank for a while first, so she wouldn't have a relapse, she would never be able to use him as her excuse again.

But Ashley, something bugged him about why she called him. Something about her voice. Something she was about to say. It was obvious she was in labor, but why call him? Why didn't she just ask Mark? And why was Mark so pissed? Something was telling him that maybe...maybe it _wasn't_ Marks baby.

The sound of his phone snapping shut just pushed him further out of the clubhouse doors. Thankfully Gemma was watching Abel tonight, because there was something that he had to do. His pace was fast, walking to his bike and he tried to clear his head, he tried to do the math. It certainly seemed very possible. And this whole time he thought that she had fucked Mark right away.

He revved his engine and shot off like a bullet through the parking lot. He was taking a chance, but maybe she was at St. Thomas. He tried to think of other hospitals that were in the area, just in case he wasn't right. But he was certain she would be at one, he could tell she didn't have much time by the sound of her voice.

He burst through the doors of St. Thomas not caring what resistance he would meet, heading straight for the elevator and taking it to the floor he knew so well from Abel's time here.

When the elevator doors opened he was surprised to see the waiting area filled with police. Something told him she was here for sure, why all the cops? Was Mark really playing this dirty? Was he this desperate for a reason to take him in? He barely glanced at the men who were most likely there for him and headed straight for the nurse's station. Thankfully he had some rapport with them already, so hopefully he could get the info he needed.

"Mr. Teller," one of the nurses looked at him with wide eyes, the greeting coming out like a startled question.

"Hey darlin'," He answered trying to remember what her name was as she wasn't wearing her name badge. He decided to flash her a smile, hoping that maybe it would help his case a little.

"Is there something I can help you with? Is everything alright with Abel?"

"He's great," Jax started as he leaned in close to where she was positioning herself behind the counter, "I was hoping you could help me find out if my friend is here, you think you can do that?"

The nurse's eyes shifted back and forth between him and the men that were swarming around. That was all the evidence that he needed.

"Jax Teller," a man that he had never seen before approached him from behind, "You here to visit someone?"

"Actually, my kid is being born right now, so I'm here for that." He glared at the small man, wondering if it was his height that he was trying so hard to over compensate for.

"No, I don't think so," The man told him matter of factly.

"You don't think so what?"

"I don't think you have a baby being born."

"Really," Jax took the man in further, mentally logging his face into his memory, "Do I know you?"

"I think it would be best if you left," The little shit informed him and Jax could see more men coming closer around him in his peripheral vision, but he didn't turn his head, wanting to prove how confident he was.

"Is Mark here?" Jax asked, knowing the answer.

"You need to leave, you're creating a disturbance now."

"I'm not leaving, I'll be right over there on that couch." Jax pointed out which one to make it clear, "And what you're going to do is, you're going to fucking tell me when my kid is born, and you will also tell Ashley that I wanted to be in there with her, but some fucking spineless piece of dog shit wouldn't let me." Jax went over to the couch to sit, crossing his arms and putting his legs up on the coffee table. He could see the men whispering fervently, part of him wondered if they would try to throw him in jail just for the hell of it. But he knew that they couldn't just take him in for talking shit. And he also knew that Mark wouldn't want the whole club down here, _or would he_? He _had_ to know that he was their number one target. Proud of his new idea he got up off the couch and walked back over to the dumbass that thought he could be so tough with him before.

"Do me a favor, can you tell Mark to come out here and talk to me? Tell him I really don't want to overcrowd this place with _my_ family too."

He could see the light bulb slowly go off in the guy's head as he stood still for a minute before he slowly nodded and headed down the guarded hallway and out of Jax's eyesight.

A few minutes later Mark came out to meet him, looking noticeably anxious, which slightly pleased Jax. He wanted to kill Mark more than anything, but with the amount of cops in this room right now this was definitely not the time, plus he was sure he would want to have the time to do it properly.

"Jax," He greeting with a smirk, "You're looking different than the last time I saw you, taking a time out from your orange scrubs I see."

This fucking prick knew he was safe in here...that's ok, he'd play his game, "That's not the last time I saw you Mark, don't you remember?"

A flash of fear flicked through Mark's eyes, which only caused Jax to smile. "So what is it you want from me?"

"You know what I want," Jax just stared at him grinning.

"Not specifically."

"I want to know if that's my kid, which I know it is, I want to be in there for Ashley, and I want to relieve you of your babysitting duties now that I am on the outside." Jax laid it out for Mark, getting closer to him with every word.

"Don't you think it's a little late for that?" Mark eyed him as he backed up a little from Jax.

"Maybe, but that's not your problem."

"What about your wife Jax? She might not like this plan of yours." Jax wondered what it would feel like to rip the fucker's throat right out of him.

"Mark!" Someone yelled frantically across the room, interrupting their moment and catching both Mark and Jax's attention.

* * *

Not long after Mark left, the nurse had come back in to check on Ashley's monitors. Her eyes had open wider as she compared Ashley's contractions to the baby's heart monitor results and she quietly but swiftly left the room, leaving Ashley feeling alarmed.

All she wanted was a drug, something, so that she could process everything that was going on. All she could focus on was the pain. But now this.

"Ashley," the nurse said coming back into the room with a man who looked like he might be a doctor, "This is Dr. Johnson, he's going to give you an epidural, so I'm going to need you to sit up in the bed now." Ashley followed her directions, not concerned at all by the huge needle that was about to be inserted into her spine. Once the epidural was in place, Ashley was able to lie back down, letting the numbness start to take the edge off of what was wreaking havoc on her body.

"Ashley, we are going to have to do an emergency c-section, I don't want you to worry though, these things are very routine," the nurse told her with a caring look in her eyes.

"What? Why?" Ashley felt confused, she had thought she was progressing quickly if anything.

"The baby is having some difficulty through your contractions, we don't want to endanger her and this is the best way."

Ashley didn't even have time to protest as she could feel the drugs taking an effect on her body. Was she supposed to feel this out of it with an epidural?

She didn't know what was going on, but she saw the lights on the ceiling start to move, she could see the nurse steering her bed towards somewhere else. She could sense lots of people. Mark's people. She could hear her name. Ashley. Someone was calling her and she might have seen him but her eyes were blurry. Jax.

*****Hope you liked the chapter and I hope you like the direction it's going. Of course you know that I don't like things to be easy ;) But let me know what you think!*****


	6. Chapter 6

*****I am so thankful for all of the reviews, favorites and follows that this story is getting! I am sorry for making you all wait so long. Life has been hectic but I'm learning to make time for these stories and I love writing them. I hope that you guys like this update and continue to let me know what you think!*****

"Mark!" The tall, lanky man called out to him again, waving his arm high into the air so that Mark could spot him amidst the chaos of the room. Both Mark and Jax were caught off guard by the sudden urgency in the man's voice and with concern overshadowing everything else Jax was able to follow right behind Mark on his way over to where the man stood, unnoticed.

"The baby's heartbeat keeps dropping," the man tried to whisper, keeping his voice low and directed only towards Mark, but Jax had heard, crystal clear. The man shifted his eyes quickly to Jax who was straining intently, in obvious discomfort, waiting to hear the rest of his sentence, before turning back to Mark and motioning him over to speak in private, "They're looking for you." He grabbed Mark by the shoulder and ushered him away.

_What the fuck?_ Barely able to control himself, Jax tried to get closer to where the men were now speaking in the corner of the room. Any regard to consequences for his actions were quickly out the window, his only focus being Ashley and the baby. He pushed his way closer to where they had retreated to but could only make out some sparse random words, they needed Mark, c-section, the baby's heart.

His heart leapt and he knew how Ashley must be feeling right now, the same way he had felt when he learned of Abel's problems when he was first born. Add on to that her anxiety and she must be a fucking wreck. But he didn't have very much time to think it over, because before he could even process the words he had just heard he could see them wheeling Ashley's bed out of the room she had been in and turning it to go further down the hallway.

"Ashley!" He yelled out, pushing his way past all of the police who were suddenly in his way. He could hear Mark to his left, he could tell they were letting him right in by the way his voice seemed to move along with her. "Ashley!"

Her head turned towards _his_ voice, but her eyes weren't focused, they were hazed over and clouded with whatever drugs they had her doped up on. He tried to reach out to her, but it was no use, they had already turned her bed and were quickly moving her down the hallway, shouting to each other with a sense of urgency that did nothing to calm the rage that was brewing inside of him right now.

"Hey," A soft voice broke him out of the frustration that was eating at him and beginning to greatly influence his judgement. "Go sit down, I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I find out." That little nurse was staring up at him, gently tugging at the sleeve of his navy hooded sweatshirt and trying to get his attention, a useless tactic for the whirlwind that was absorbing every bit of him. He looked down at her, but it took a minute for him to really see her, because he didn't _want_ to see her, he didn't want to be out here at all. Empathy flowed from her dark brown eyes and he started to remember her, she was the caring one that had always informed him of everything that was going on with Abel, always talking to him in a way he would understand, a comforting way, and he knew that he could trust her. But his eyes were wide, crazed even, as he fought hard against his instincts, everything inside him demanding to be in that room with her. "It's going to be alright." She continued, rubbing his forearm until he processed what she was telling him to do.

Jax nodded to the nurse and turned, fully intending to go sit on the couch to await any news. But instead, he folded his hands behind his head and began to pace around the waiting area, he had too much energy running through him to be able to sit still. And in the midst of everything that was happening, some calm was lying there, just enough to keep him considering the consequences. If he had any chance of seeing them he would play by these fuckers rules. Just for tonight anyway. He hoped everything was going to be alright, with Ashley and with the baby, he couldn't remember how it got to this point, how she was in there with Mark and not him. He could fucking strangle the bastard, he wanted him dead with a passion he had never had for anyone else before, and he could hardly wait a minute longer to take care of it. If Mark hadn't brought an entourage of his fucking agents with him down here, Jax would be in the room with Ashley for sure, where _he should be_. If anyone knew Ashley, it was him, and she didn't need to be alone with this shit right now.

"Mr. Teller?" That same sweet voice beckoned him out of his trance. The young nurse was discretely motioning him over to where she stood in the hallway.

He walked over to her, looking at the mousey girl expectantly.

"Everything is fine," She started with a small smile, which slightly calmed him, "Miss Sullivan is in recovery and the baby is perfect. She's being weighed and measured and all that good stuff right now."

"She?" He asked, a wave of happiness rushing through him hearing that, all of his anger disappearing for the moment.

"Yes, she Mr. Teller, a baby girl," the nurse answered him with another friendly smile.

"And Ashley? Is she ok?"

"She's been through a lot, her blood pressure has been high which they will start treating now that the baby is born. But she's in recovery and will most likely be alert and aware in a few hours or so."

"Can you get me in there to see them?" He wanted nothing more, but did he really think this little girl would get him past all of these cops?

"Let me see what I can do Mr. Teller, but for now please sit patiently." She gave him a serious glance and turned to go back to her station, her ponytail swaying with her movements. Jax was silently grateful that he had been awarded one person on his side.

Hours ticked by, the police in the waiting area eyed him but went about their business, talking, laughing, going for food. Every once in a while the nurse would look at him, but he wasn't getting the updates he craved. The news playing on the television overhead had looped about four or five times and Jax knew every story by heart. His eyes were dry and heavy, but his mind was still racing and he knew there would be no sleep for him tonight. But he must have dozed a little, because he was shaken awake by her voice again and the feeling of her small hand on his shoulder.

"Follow me," She leaned down and whispered to him once he opened his eyes. He nodded and waited, giving her some distance and not trying to draw attention to what she was doing. It was late now, the lights were dimmed and the atmosphere was quiet, probably to give the other patients a chance to rest.

The small nurse led him down the corridor, walking swiftly and maneuvering herself around carts and empty IV holders which lined the hallway. She continued on as they passed the nursery. He peered to the side, taking in the sight of the newborn babies and wondering which one of them could be his daughter. She turned around to him at that point, gesturing quickly with her hand for him to follow and not be distracted.

The side door squeaked faintly when she opened it, causing her to jump from nervousness as she squeezed herself inside as fast as she could, turning to pull him along behind her. He would have to remember to thank her for all of this later, he could tell by the way she was acting she was probably breaking every rule in the hospital.

He continued to follow her as she went through a short hallway, turning to wash her hands with soap and warm water in a sink that took up most of the space. "Wash your hands," She instructed him with a haste. Jax remained quiet as he followed her orders, both nervous and excited, for what could possibly be coming.

The nurse opened another door and led him into a tiny room. There was a hospital style glider in the middle of it and a bassinet in the corner. He could see a baby inside it and couldn't stop himself from walking straight over to it, the pull of his curiosity getting the best of him.

He peered down inside and saw the most beautiful baby, swaddled up tight in a pink and blue striped hospital blanket, sleeping soundly, not appearing at all like she had just gone through the trauma of beginning her life on the outside. Forgetting that the nurse was even there, he reached in to touch the blanket, feeling the softness of the tiny person inside of it.

"Would you like to hold her Mr. Teller?" He turned to the nurse with gratitude in his eyes, nodding appreciatively.

"How...how were you able to get her in here? All alone?" He asked her, unsure of what was really going on.

"Miss Sullivan is sleeping and Mr. Carlucci is too for the moment. There were instructions to keep the baby in the nursery and let her get some rest for the first few hours. So you only have a few minutes ok?"

Jax nodded. Not sure what he was thinking or feeling at all. More or less consumed by stupor.

"If you sit down in the chair, I will hand her to you." The nurse told him. He followed her directions, eager to hold his daughter.

"What's her name?"

"She doesn't have a name yet," She told him as she placed the little wrapped up sleeping baby in his arms.

Jax could feel the smile spread across his face, the room was quiet and he was holding his baby, a baby he didn't even know he had barely twenty-four hours ago. He stared at her peaceful face, her perfect little nose, her pink rosebud lips, and the longest black eyelashes he had ever seen on a grown person, much less a newborn. She was tiny, but didn't look as small as Abel had been when he was born, not even as small as he was now. _Of course_, he remembered, angry with himself. How did this all happen? When he thought he was only screwing other women to fill the emptiness he had given himself by pushing Ashley away. And then for him to take advantage of her that one night when she was obviously too drunk to use her senses, because she would have never forgiven him as easily as that if she had any clarity at all. And then pushing her away again. He really fucked everything up. The questions, the shitty reality, it was all in the background right now. But looking at that face, a face he never thought would be so beautiful, he had no choice but to think about what he had done.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, feeling a guilt that was different than anything he had ever experienced. She was so perfect, in every way. Even at a couple of hours old, he could see Ashley's lips on her, and her little nose that turned up so cute at the end, that was Ashley too. She barely had any hair, but what she did have was small wisps of blonde, reminding him of Abel. What the fuck was happening to him? She had some power, this little loaf of bread, she had the ability to turn him into a pile of mush, willing to give her whatever she needed.

"She's beautiful," The nurse quietly spoke, drawing him out of the trance the baby had put him under.

"She's amazing. Has Ashley seen her?" He wondered what she thought when she first saw her, he smiled thinking of the happiness the baby would give her. Happiness she deserved more than anyone else. He knew she would be a great mother. She was always taking care of other people, putting their needs first.

"Not yet."

The baby stirred in his arms and he wondered if he was somehow holding her wrong. Even with the practice he had with Abel, he never felt totally confident that he wasn't making the baby uncomfortable. He thought about unwrapping her to see what she looked like underneath the tight blanket. Maybe he shouldn't because she started to fall right back to sleep, looking so peaceful again.

As he held her against his chest and stared down at her, he felt overwhelmed with so much happiness and a feeling he could never explain. It was like a hole in him that he never realized was there had been filled up,_ overfilled_ and brimming at the edges. But he also felt guilt, he had failed her so much already. He knew why he felt that way. Her family was dismantled, her mother hurt, broken by him and living with someone else, someone who would do everything he could to keep Jax away and take over the role as husband and father. Someone who was determined to keep the truth about Ashley's pregnancy from him up until this point. Ashley had too.

"I'm sorry," He whispered again, a tear falling off his strong face, knowing that to keep her in his life might be his most challenging obstacle yet. Clay, the club, everyone knowing she was with Mark...he dismissed those thoughts as he looked down at the sleeping baby, he just couldn't walk away from her. "Can I undo this thing?" He asked the nurse, referring to the blanket that appeared to be squishing his daughter into a tight little ball. How could she possibly be comfortable like that?

"Sure, it might wake her though," She told him, showing him where to pull the blanket apart.

He opened it up, and just like a tiny little present he was amazed by what he found inside. Two little skinny legs stretched as soon as the air hit them, her toes curling tightly into her feet. He touched her skin and felt it's softness, smiling at how perfect she was, how wonderful she smelled. He placed the pad of his finger underneath one of her toes, _it's so fucking tiny_, he thought to himself, _so fucking cute_. She started to squirm, shifting and stretching, her arms freeing themselves from the binding he had broken her out of and heading towards her face. He gently pushed them down, knowing that she could scratch herself and her eyes flickered open.

"Hey," He laughed at her. Her blue eyes opened wide and she was staring at him like he was a crazy person. Maybe he was. He leaned down to kiss her cheek and her eyes blinked closed, opening back up again as he pulled away.

"Excuse me for a minute, Mr. Teller," The nurse told him as she slipped out of the small room, his attention never leaving the baby in his lap. He would be lying if he said that for one second he didn't think about taking her out of there, sneaking her away from the chaos that was looming in every corner of the place. He could have her with him, as she should be, not out there in the unknown, not letting that shithead ever get his hands on her. But as great as that sounded, as much as he needed her to be with him, he knew that it wasn't the right way to do it.

"Mr. Teller, I'm really sorry, but we have to put her back in the nursery and get you out of here now," The girl informed him nervously. He could tell by the look in her eyes that it was urgent for him to move.

"Thank you," He told her, she had given him something priceless. He had seen his daughter, he had been the first one to hold her. He knew her. And she had seen him.

He stood up with the baby still in his arms, unbundled, and placed her back into her bassinet. "Don't forget me," He said to her, "I will see you soon, I promise." He leaned in to kiss her soft little cheek, "I love you."

He stood back and turned, seeing the nurse squirm uncomfortably, indicating that he wasn't moving fast enough for her liking. But he was happy. Happy and satisfied, if even for a short moment. And it was in that moment that he understood what he needed to do, he was getting them back, both of them, and fuck Mark if he got in his way.

*****I would be so happy if you could take the time and review in the little box right under here!*****


	7. Chapter 7

******So, you guys...let me start by saying thank you for the AMAZING amount of reviews last chapter. Right now I am at a crossroads here...half of you want them together, half of you don't...I hope that whatever happens you will all be satisfied lol. Regardless, make sure you review and let me know what you think! I do read all of them and try to make you all happy without compromising the story too much! And I value the feedback you give me so much.******

_"Why'd I have to go and do you like that?_  
_Thought I'd moved on, then you brought me right back._  
_To the night you took my kiss away from me._  
_I took yours too, then I lost you."_

Ashley blinked her dry eyes, staring at the flowered wallpaper that was coming into focus in front of her, the dark pink rose buds standing out against the light gray background of the wall.

"Hey, look who's up," Mark's voice drew her attention, pulling her out of the trance she was lingering in and bringing back the reality of everything she had just been through.

"The baby..." She squeaked out, her voice hoarse from not being used.

"She's fine, she's in the nursery, I asked them to feed her so you could get some rest." He smiled at her and scooted up on his chair, coming closer to the bed.

"Where are we? This room looks different."

"We were actually moved overnight to a new hospital. You've had some complications and the doctors thought you'd be in better hands here." He answered her, grabbing her hand and stroking it with his thumb.

Ashley stared at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What _kind_ of complications?"

"The doctor says you have pre-eclampsia, which is when..."

"I know what that is," She stated, cutting him off, "But that's not something I would have to be moved for." That didn't make sense to Ashley, who was starting to slowly remember the traumatic events from the night before a little more clearly now.

"I don't know Ashley, it's what the doctor advised and who am I not to want the best for my two girls?" He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently.

Ashley looked up to the ceiling, catching her breath from the anxiety that was starting to boil up inside of her, there was something _very_ off with what was going on.

"I'll go ask the nurse if she can bring Violet in now so you can meet her. She's so beautiful Ashley." Mark stood up, grinning wide and heading over to the door to grab the nurse's attention.

_Violet?_ "What? Her name is Violet?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had been out of it, drugged so heavily that she hadn't even realized she'd been transferred to another hospital, so how in the hell had she possibly been able to name the baby? _But Violet?_ That could have _only_ come from her. She had planned to name her daughter Ava Grace, but not, not Violet. Her mind raced, spinning with the fucked up news and desperately trying to steer clear of that nagging thought that was pushing itself forward inside of her.

"Yes, you had told them you wanted to name her Violet Grace, you said that Violet meant something special to you and Grace, well that was because she was a blessing from God, something good in your life."

_What the fuck_, she thought, angry with herself for making that decision without consulting it with her coherent self first.

"There's Mommy," A short, red haired nurse sang as she wheeled the bassinet into Ashley's room. Ashley sat up straight, trying to strain and peek at her baby who was all wrapped up and sleeping soundly. "Here you go, sweetheart." The nurse handed the baby over to her eagerly waiting arms. "My name is Phyllis, so if you need something just let me know, if you don't see me you can get me by pressing that button right over there. I'll be here until eight o'clock."

"Thanks," Ashley whispered in response, only half listening as she stared at the tiny baby now lying snugly in her arms. She was the most beautiful, most perfect thing she had ever seen. Was this who was in her belly for the last nine months, the little monster who gave her constant heartburn and climbed up her ribs from the inside with her long toes? How could such a stranger fill her up completely with so much love? "Look at her nose, it's so perfect and cute."

"I know, didn't I tell you?" Mark responded as he lightly stroked the top of Violet's head, combing her short blond hair to the side with his fingers.

Ashley looked down at her little baby, _her_ little baby, and couldn't get over the immense joy that she felt. She was the sweetest thing that Ashley had ever seen. She began to inspect her from head to toe, taking her in and memorizing every detail of her little body.

"So Violet? What's the importance behind that?" Mark asked her, his gaze never met Ashley's as he admired the baby in her arms.

_Shit, that's right._ With Violet in her arms she had been overwhelmed with elated emotions, and everything else, all the problems of her past that had been haunting her with their silent noise, well they had gone completely out the window. But now he had to go and bring it up again. "I don't know, I must have been on some pretty heavy drugs or something." She admitted, her statement being more of a truth than she could let herself admit.

Mark chuckled and leaned in to kiss her on the side of her head. "Well I think it's fitting, don't you?"

Ashley studied her daughter intently. No, she really _didn't_ look like an Ava. She hated to admit it, but she did kind of look like a Violet. The baby's eyes opened, just a peek at first, before opening wider than Ashley could ever imagine a newborn's could open. _Violet. _She had Jax's eyes. Tears pooled in her own at the realization. Is that why she had named her Violet? "Yes," She told him, answering both Mark and herself.

Ashley continued to look her baby over, bringing up her small hands to her own nose, smelling their fresh, soft skin and showering them with kisses. Her thoughts began to drift to when she had gone into labor. Remembering that horrible news story about Donna, how she had died, gunned down in such a brutal, disgusting way...poor Donna. That's why she had decided to call Jax. He had sounded so cold and distant, but he had known she needed him, he had known she was in labor. But Mark had come home and interrupted their phone call, ripping it from her hands and driving her to the hospital without another mention of what she had done. But she could have sworn she saw Jax at the hospital, had she? Ashley looked over at Mark, her eyes filled with concern, and tried to figure out the best way to ask her questions without making him upset or causing him to shut down. Looking him over for a minute, she turned her attention back to Violet before she spoke.

"I saw what happened to Donna on the news." That's all she managed to get out, but she figured it was enough to get him to talk.

"Yes, that was very unfortunate."

_That's it?_ That's all he could offer her? _Unfortunate? Who exactly was it unfortunate for? Donna? Opie? The kids? _Ashley tried to hide her irritation so she could continue her quest to get information from the one person whose job it was to know everything that was going on, "On the news they were saying it appeared to be gang related."

"That's what they are reporting, yes. Just try to forget about it Ashley." _Try to forget about it? Was he fucking serious?_ He really needed to downplay Donna getting _murdered_. That was her friend, and she was just supposed to forget about it? Ashley knew at any moment her face was going to give her away and shut him down completely. "Just be thankful we got you away from SAMCRO."

With anger simmering just below the surface, Ashley immersed herself in watching her precious baby, but looking at Violet only made her think about the life she had left behind. _Well, since he brought it up_. "I thought I saw Jax at the hospital." Mark pulled his hand away and leaned back in his chair, his eyes still on Violet, "Was he there?"

"No," He stated flatly, "Must have been the effects of all the drugs they put you on. You don't seem to be remembering things correctly."

"I could have sworn I saw him and he was calling my name. Are you positive Mark?"

"Ashley," Mark started with her, looking almost pained to have to talk to her about this, "He wasn't there. He knew you were in labor and never showed up. He's married now Ashley. It's time for you to move on with your life too."

Mark's words cut her, but she was sure he couldn't have meant to hurt her. _Could he?_ She felt the tears start to pool again, stinging her bloodshot eyes with their audacity, but she was determined to keep them inside, deep inside and locked away with every memory she had of Jax. What had she expected to happen? For him to just leave his wife and come be by her side, watching their daughter be born together? That was ridiculous. After everything he had done, the coldness, the cheating, if that wasn't enough to convince her brain that thinking he was the one for her was a lie, she didn't know what was. But maybe, just maybe, her ego was bruised knowing he didn't give a shit that she had needed him once again.

* * *

"You going to sleep all day?" Jax felt his comforter being ripped from his bare back, immediately waking him.

"What the fuck Ma," He groaned as he rolled over and shielded his eyes from the overhead light that she had turned on.

"It's 11:30 and Clay needs me down at the garage, Neeta can't come until 1:00 so you need to get up and take care of Abel."

"I'm up," Jax answered her as he got up and went over to his dresser to open the top drawer, pulling out the first t-shirt he found and slipping it on over his head.

"Have you heard from Wendy?" Gemma asked him, picking up pieces of discarded clothing which littered the floor in his room. Ever since Abel had been born, his mom had made it a point to clean his house. Maybe it was because Wendy was gone, or maybe it was because she was a mom, either way Jax found it way more annoying then helpful.

"She's still in sober living."

"And then what?" He could feel her stop and turn all her attention to looking at him, most likely trying to gage his reaction.

"I guess we'll figure it out when the time comes," Jax lied, just wanting to end the conversation. One thing he knew for sure is that his marriage was over, it was up to Wendy if she would be in Abel's life at all, and honestly, at this point, he wasn't sure if she would really be able to stay clean.

"Maybe you should figure it out now Jax, Abel sure doesn't need that junkie in his life."

"Jesus Christ Ma, you were the one pushing for us to get married, remember? I'm not sure if there is a woman you _do_ approve of. First Tara, then Ashley…." Jax looked at Gemma, remembering what he had just experienced the night before, and talking about Ashley just brought back the emptiness that was starting to chisel away at him.

Gemma stared back, a knowing look entering her eyes as she squinted them in thought. "Well maybe if you'd stop letting your dick choose the women you wouldn't have to worry about hearing my opinion."

Jax glared at her before leaving the room to go get Abel from his crib. "Hey buddy," He grinned at his son as he picked him up, carrying him through the house to make him a bottle.

"Make sure you head over to the clubhouse as soon as Neeta gets here Jax. I'm not sure what you were really up to last night, but Clay's been looking for you." Gemma called out to him as she left.

Jax dismissed her, heating the bottle up for Abel. He would get to the clubhouse, but first he wanted to stop by the hospital to get an update on Ashley and the baby if he could. He had barely slept, high from the feeling of holding his daughter and preoccupied with the thoughts of how he was going to fix everything. He had to have his daughter in his life, _with him_ in his life. But the obstacles were stacked up against him, Mark doing everything in his power to keep Ashley away from him, Clay and the rest of the club convinced she was a traitor, and the fact that Ashley's actions since he left her had been more than questionable to say the least.

He had to get Ashley alone, that was the first step. And if she got out of the hospital before that happened it would be hell trying to find her. Normally he could get Juice to help him locate her, but with the club already searching for their own reasons and the fact that a federal agent would be damn near impossible to find, he was going to be on his own with this.

And then what? He smirked to himself, imagining dealing with the piece of shit Mark, slowly and deliberately, then taking Ashley and the baby, bringing them back home with him. But what about Clay? Gemma? The club? And even Ashley? Things were too fucking complicated.

* * *

The elevator doors opened and Jax immediately started to scan the floor for his favorite nurse, only to find her already staring back at him in trepidation. His pace quickened, responding to the look of alarm she was currently silently drilling into him.

"Hey," His eyes hopped from hers to the nurse standing beside her, not expecting to be able to get any information with other people around them, "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure, this is about Abel right?" He caught on to what she was doing and nodded slowly in response.

They walked together, away from the other nurse, and she spoke hurriedly to him under her breath, "They moved Ashley and the baby last night to another facility."

"What?" He asked, raising his voice probably a little too loudly, "Where?"

"I couldn't find out, the records are locked and labeled confidential, the only ones privy to that information are her doctors and law enforcement. I tried Mr. Teller, I really did."

Jax leaned away from her, staring away in disbelief. "I'm so sorry," Her voice came out so meek and humble, but he couldn't speak, he couldn't think. The nurse finally turned to walk away when she grasped that he had no intention of responding to her.

"It's not your fault." He mumbled, not really sure if it had even come out._ It's mine._

* * *

Sitting on his bike he couldn't remember how exactly he got there. She was gone. She was really fucking gone.

The ground ripped out from beneath him, his legs unable to find their footing in it's absence.

His breath, the same one she had stolen from him that day when she returned to Charming, was nothing but an uncomfortable bubble trapped beneath the hard knot that had taken over his chest.

His resolve, replaced with unease.

He remembered when they were kids, when he would protect her from anything in the world. He remembered when loving her was the easiest thing he could do.

He had lost her once before, completely. He had failed her, leaving her broken, changing her into someone he didn't even recognize.

But for a moment she was back and a piece of her had reached for him.

He stared at the horizon, not remembering how exactly he got there,

the actions, the words, the silence,

and she was really fucking gone.

******You know there is this box...right under here...just asking for you to let me know what you think, so...******


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